Sunday, February 8, 2015

Bucket List- Welcoming new neighbors to the 'hood

Have to share a quick story that happened yesterday with Shelby, because it might be one of my favorite stories that has happened to date with her. 

I got home from the barn yesterday afternoon (and it was a gorgeous day, can't wait to get back out today) and realized that we had new neighbors moving into the house that recently sold, two doors down. I did the quick conversation in my head "should I go down and introduce myself or wait" and of course I did the right thing and just ran into the house and hid, oh wait, that is what I did earlier in the day when I saw some religious folk knocking on doors in the neighborhood. Of course I made the decision to go down there and say hello. In true form of my dogs, one an introvert, one an extrovert, Balco hid behind a tree and just watched, Shelby just pranced along with me as we walked down the street. 

Naturally, they loved her, she invited herself into the house to check it out on her own and went up and met the army of people moving my new neighbor in, Karen. Great lady who has moved into the neighborhood to be closer to her family, even better lady because she offered me a beer. While Karen and I chitchatted it up, I couldn't help but watch Shelby work the crowd out of the corner of my eye and realize that she truly doesn't ever meet a stranger, and I haven't met one person to date, that couldn't help but just fall in love. 

And then it happened, one of the kids couldn't help put pick up a stick and throw it for her, you would have thought the dog had won the lottery....another sucker she has in her back pocket to throw something for her to retrieve....

..Now I have to stop the story for a minute and explain something. As most of you know, Shelby has an addiction to tennis balls, she has never met one she didn't like. As I type now, and is laying next to me, she is accompanied by about three of them. Tennis balls are her crack. I discovered that something was wrong with Shelby (cancer) because when we would be playing fetch in the yard, she would pass out. It's not fun to watch or go through, and it really does scare her. So her fetch time is limited right now (as in almost never) because anytime she has a tennis ball in her mouth, it inhibits her to get big breaths of air, causing her to collapse because she has an enormous flippin tumor growing inside of her lung,  Trying to limit Shelby to tennis ball time, is very difficult, let me tell you. But most of the time she is just content chewing on one, as apposed to chasing it. I think she also knows that chasing the magical fuzzy ball, also leads to issues she would rather not go through. Back to the story....

So the stick fetching went on for about three tosses, Shelby was clearly less than impressed this little kid didn't have the ability to toss that stick as far as she wanted, and after the forth toss, Shelby went home. It was the first time I have ever seen Shelby leave a social situation, she is usually the last one to leave, I was a totally thrown off-guard. (By the way, in the event you are wondering where Balco is, he has now inched his way a few feet closer to the neighbors, and has found another bush to hide behind...still watching, but not ready to make the move to socialize with these new people)
Just about the time when I'm thinking it was time for these people to get back to work, it happened, what will be one of my favorite Shelby memories. I wish I could have captured the look and excitement on my dogs face, when she came back to "the party" but this time she had a bright yellow fuzzy piece of crack in her mouth. She didn't go home because she was bored, she went home to grab a tennis ball so this kid could toss it for her. In those moments, she was so proud of herself, and my heart just melted a bit inside. 

I let them toss the ball for her, knowing that today wasn't going to be one of "those" days. She couldn't pass out, she just had to welcome the new neighbors to the neighborhood the best way she knew how.  Welcoming the neighbors to the 'hood with tennis balls- one item on the bucked list, complete. 


Friday, February 6, 2015

Hi, My Name is Lauren, and my dog is dying....

So here is the thing, the last few weeks have been emotionally draining on me. I've switched jobs and stepped out of my comfort zone, I've lost my husband to baseball and my dog that has been by my side for almost 13 years has been diagnosed with Frickin lung cancer, and there is nothing I can do about it.

I've tried to do a blog that has explained this whole experience and I just can't finish it to post. I've come back and forth a few times trying to put in words just what this whole process is like, and I can't. All I want to do is scream a bunch of four letter words from the top of my lungs to just get the anger, sadness and emotions I have right now to just escape me, but I can't.

I've tried to keep a good attitude about this, but at the end of the day, I'm losing my dog, who can keep a good attitude about that? Nick and I did the right thing in deciding to let her LIVE her life the way she wants. We aren't doing any complicated surgeries and loading her up with copious amounts of medications just to bring her down mentally and physically. We've put it in her hands to decide her time, and my God, I know she will fight until she doesn't have it in her anymore to do so.

Shelby is doing a really good job of letting us think she isn't sick. She knows it, she tells me everyday in her special little ways that her time is coming to an end. She checks on me every night in bed by licking my face, she lays with me or is by me every second that I'm with her. It doesn't matter what I'm doing. Cooking, cleaning, drinking wine, sorting socks, going to the bathroom, brushing my teeth, watching TV...she is right there. She has always "been by my side" but she has put a brand new meaning to it recently. She also has no rules...you want steak for dinner tonight, yup you got it. Want to get on furniture...hop on up. All she has to do is look at me with those sweet brown eyes, wag that tail and I just melt. I don't know how much longer I have with her, so I have to give her everything she wants.

We are putting together a bucket list for her (or me to cope) so I'm asking all of my friends who know this sweet dog, to think about what Shelby would want to do in the next few months that would make her appreciate what this life has to offer. I'd like to think I've given her a pretty damn good life, so anything I can do to make it better...I have to try.

And lastly I just have to say Eff You Cancer, I hate you, I hate you SOOOO much....I am literally and figuratively giving you the biggest middle finger that I can. Screw you and every cell that you produce that kills the things that we love. Go To HELL