Hi, My Name is Lauren, and my dog is dying....

So here is the thing, the last few weeks have been emotionally draining on me. I've switched jobs and stepped out of my comfort zone, I've lost my husband to baseball and my dog that has been by my side for almost 13 years has been diagnosed with Frickin lung cancer, and there is nothing I can do about it.

I've tried to do a blog that has explained this whole experience and I just can't finish it to post. I've come back and forth a few times trying to put in words just what this whole process is like, and I can't. All I want to do is scream a bunch of four letter words from the top of my lungs to just get the anger, sadness and emotions I have right now to just escape me, but I can't.

I've tried to keep a good attitude about this, but at the end of the day, I'm losing my dog, who can keep a good attitude about that? Nick and I did the right thing in deciding to let her LIVE her life the way she wants. We aren't doing any complicated surgeries and loading her up with copious amounts of medications just to bring her down mentally and physically. We've put it in her hands to decide her time, and my God, I know she will fight until she doesn't have it in her anymore to do so.

Shelby is doing a really good job of letting us think she isn't sick. She knows it, she tells me everyday in her special little ways that her time is coming to an end. She checks on me every night in bed by licking my face, she lays with me or is by me every second that I'm with her. It doesn't matter what I'm doing. Cooking, cleaning, drinking wine, sorting socks, going to the bathroom, brushing my teeth, watching TV...she is right there. She has always "been by my side" but she has put a brand new meaning to it recently. She also has no rules...you want steak for dinner tonight, yup you got it. Want to get on furniture...hop on up. All she has to do is look at me with those sweet brown eyes, wag that tail and I just melt. I don't know how much longer I have with her, so I have to give her everything she wants.

We are putting together a bucket list for her (or me to cope) so I'm asking all of my friends who know this sweet dog, to think about what Shelby would want to do in the next few months that would make her appreciate what this life has to offer. I'd like to think I've given her a pretty damn good life, so anything I can do to make it better...I have to try.

And lastly I just have to say Eff You Cancer, I hate you, I hate you SOOOO much....I am literally and figuratively giving you the biggest middle finger that I can. Screw you and every cell that you produce that kills the things that we love. Go To HELL